Top 5 Things That Might Kill Me

I just got yelled at for using the gym in my apartment past 10pm. It was 10:02. And I didn't even know the gym closed at 10 because I can't read all of the signs that are in Korean. I am also using the term "gym" loosely, as there are about 3 sets of free weights and only 1 of the 3 treadmills actually works...but hey, at least it's free!

Okay, so before I start on the possible ways I might experience my death in Korea, I want to tell you about the only barefoot marathon in the WORLD! I had to get up at 5:30am to catch a bus out of the city, which I still can't believe I was able to do considering I had spent the past...let's say 30 hours...drinking. Lucky for me I got to sleep on the free bus for two hours. Double lucky for me is that foreigners got the whole shebang without having to spend a single won! By "whole shebang" I am referring to: the bus, a beautiful marathon set in the mountains with soft sand covering a winding path through the trees, a piece of paper with my footprints on it, a magic show, a performance by the B Boys (a sweet group of break-dancing Korean hotties), rice cakes, a choco pie, two bottles of soju, a medal for completing the 5k barefoot...I'm going to say "run" since that sounds a hell of a lot cooler than what I really did, a show by the most awesome dance/cheerleading squad I have ever seen (complete with whistles, congo costumes, and extravagant arm flailing), and three totally hot Korean chicks dressed in school girl outfits playing the electric violin, cello, and keyboard to famous classical music. I walked away with a since of pride for participating in the only barefoot festival in the world, and a sunburn.

Now for the gloom and doom.

5) Death by Yellow Dust. Duh.

4) Death by Taxi . The taxi drivers here are insane. Once, I was in a taxi with Jen; I was in the front and she was in the back (sucka) and this guy was driving at what felt like 100mph on the highway. I guess I can't really be sure how fast it was since I don't know the conversion for kilometers per hour, but trust me it was a hell of a lot faster than any other car I have ever been in.* At one point he swerved and Jen went flying across the backseat and slammed her head on the window and thought she had a concussion. The driver didn't even notice. Taxi drivers also have a tendency to ignore all traffic laws. They are viewed more as a suggestion, especially red lights. Meghan told me that a Korean friend of hers was driving her home and was stopped at a red light and then said, "Hey look! I'm a taxi driver!!" and gunned it through the intersection. Not only might I die crashing inside of a cab, I would not put it past me to get hit by one on the street. I am trying to be more observing of my surroundings to avoid that situation.
*The only exception might be riding in Tom's BMW when we were in high school and he thought he was cool. Don't worry, Thomas Baldwin Gribble. You are STILL cool.

3) Death by Dehydration due to Laziness. Don't judge. The tap water here is not exactly the safest water to drink, so I have to buy bottled. Or at least I had to buy bottled before I found out I have a water cooler on the 5th floor of my building. However, I am on the 2nd floor. That's a lot of stairs, people. Especially when the bar bug is hitting you hard from staying out until 7am that morning. It's not like there isn't an elevator, because there is. That's where the laziness comes in. Like I said, don't judge.

2) Death by Intoxication On or Around the Subway. I put this high up on the list because it really might just happen to me. I am a clumsy, clumsy person. Clumsy + Drunk + Open train track = Death, don't you think? I definitely do. Not to mention that the subway is closed from 12am to 5am. So if you want to save money on a death cab, you have to wait until at least 5am to get on the subway, which means you're gonna be totally tanked. Being drunk on the subway is also dangerous because of the sleep factor. If I fall asleep on the subway (which, thankfully, has only happened once so far) then I am sure someone will mistake me for a Russian prostitute and probably kidnap me. This is considering the fact that I am mistaken for a Russian prostitute when I am awake and fully clothed. Thus, I figure it will happen to a more severe extent when I am sleeping on my coat with my hair all a mess and my shoes half on during the daytime when all the Koreans are on their way to work. Sorry, Mom. At least you raised me to be smart enough to sleep on top of my purse so that no one will steal it.

1) Death by Bridges. I mentioned my fear of bridges to my 72-year-old BFF and he replied with "There are twenty-seven bridges in Seoul that cross the Han River". It also came up during my Korean lesson in which Bobbie informed me that "A couple of years ago one of the bridges collapsed and a lot of people died". Thanks guys, for giving me nightmares for the rest of the year, and probably my life. It is bad enough flying off a bridge and being trapped in a car, but I only travel over these bridges on a bus or on a subway car. I also have to go over the river to get to any place cool in Seoul, so I am going back and forth all the time. You can imagine how sure I am that I am going to die in the Han River. Except that I might not meet my end in the Han River, since I have decided to bungee jump off a bridge over a different river next weekend. Why would I do that if I am so afraid of bridges? I guess I am hoping to conquer my fear, though I am pretty sure that I might just cry and pee my pants.